(So we skipped a week. Sue me. This is probably the worst season of Top Chef yet, but its Chicago, and if anything, I’m a massive homer. Let’s do this thing…)
(For the last time, Maff, if you’re gonna spy on them, splurge on the infrared camera)
1- Stephanie
Projected Bowl: The Jif “Fuck You, I’m Putting Peanut Butter In This Thing” Bowl
Hell yeah we’re biased. Lesbian or not, we’re still pulling out our cocks for her.
2- Dale
Projected Bowl: “Second Place… but gaining” Bowl
Seems easy enough. When in Chicago, go with sausage. BUT TELL THAT TO FUCKING LISA AND VERONICA! FUCK CHORIZO!
3- Richard
Projected Bowl: “Pretentious Nerd Bowl”
Seems to be getting it. Also opening up and appearing warmer. We keep him at third because he’s so fucking good and he knows it.
4- Andrew
Projected Bowl: “McDonald’s Salad Shaker Bowl”
Was pretty quiet in this episode… almost too quiet.
5- Nikki
Projected Bowl: “Fran Drescher Annoying New York Stereotype Bowl”
Don’t get too happy. You’re only here because everyone under you sucks.
6- Antonia
Projected Bowl: “I’m Just a Single Mom Trying to Get By” Bowl
Yeah you won, but this week was probably her high water mark. And yeah, I’m still upset anytime someone turns their noses up at awesomeness. And awesomeness in this case is Polish Sausage.
7- Valerie ELIMINATED
Projected Bowl: “Chicago is Awesome” Bowl
Weather is here, wish you were beautiful. (We promise this is the last time we borrow a line from Jimmy Buffet)
8- Mark ELIMINATED
Projected Bowl: “Tom Colicchio Can Suck It” Bowl
I’m with you, buddy. The man behind Craftsteak has it out for me too. I have to wear this aluminum foil hat to keep him from reading my mind.
And in honor of your New Zealand heritage, here’s the traditional Maori haka (preformed by the New Zealand All Blacks rugby team) dedicated to you:
In related news, the entire nation of France surrendered to New Zealand.
9- Jennifer ELIMINATED
Projected Bowl: “John Mitchell Hair Care Products” Bowl
I thought for sure Bravo would keep her around to keep the whole “OMG, there’s a lesbian couple on the show!” storyline going.
10- Lisa
Projected Bowl: “Early Favorite to Get Eliminated This Week” Bowl
Screw you AND the pictures of your cat.
11- Spike
Projected Bowl: “The John Mayer Easy-Going Bowl”
Let’s see, can I go a whole segment without making fun of your hats? Um, apparently not.
12- Manuel ELIMINATED
Projected Bowl: “Nice Guys Without Weird Hair Finish Last” Bowl
He would have been good with kids. Oh well.
13- Ryan ELIMINATED
Projected Bowl: “Guys Get Mani-Pedis All The Time, Right?” Bowl
I almost forgot you were even on the show.
14- Erik ELIMINATED
Projected Bowl: “I’ll Bet He’d Make a Great Bar Bouncer” Bowl
How’s that restaurant on the beach going?
15- Zoi ELIMINATED
Projected Bowl: “I Always Look Like I’m Going to Cry” Bowl
Now you and Jennifer can cruise Andersonville together. Neat-o!
16- Texas Tech
Projected Bowl: Konica Minolta Gator Bowl
The spread offense is a little gimmicky for my taste, but they’ve held their own in the Big 12 for years now. That’s gotta be worth something.
Also Receiving Votes:
BYU, Nimma, Alabama, Syracuse, and Sam from Season 2.
