In Food City Match-Ups, we take a look at the pros and cons of eating in two cities (some we’ve never been to or have any intention of setting foot in) and pass judgment on who wins based on unresearched stereotypes and hunches. This week we break down, completely biased of course, the 2008 NBA Playoffs. Continuing on with the Western Conference and the #3 seed San Antonio Spurs taking on the #6 Phoenix Suns.
vs. 
It’s San Antonio versus Phoenix, and this time, Tim Donaghy is no where to be found. Let’s Do This!
SAN ANTONIO:
(If you don’t know who this is, you’re probably a Protestant heathen and thus, going to hell)
Reputation: The Mecca for Tex-Mex cuisine, and major player in the world of Southwestern cuisine. With Sea World, the Riverwalk, and the Alamo, San Antonio packs in the tourists and thus, probably moves a lot more food than other cities of equal size.
Local Flavor: Mexico is like two hours down I-35. And it’s pretty safe to say they know how to cook Mexican food here. But did you know Texas has a significant German community? It explains Texas’ beer brewing tradition and how crazy popular sausages (aka- “Hot Links”) are around this part of the country. And it also explains why Jewish candidate for governor Kinky Friedman never got much traction for his campaign.
Top Restaurant: Boudro’s gets wild raves, but for Tex-Mex, if Food Network’s “Throwdown with Bobby Flay” is to be believed, you probably have to make a stop at Los Barrios and try a local favorite, Puffy Tacos. I wonder what absolutely absurd show they invented to fool the local chef into thinking she actually got her big break as a celebrity chef.
Signature Dish: Puffy tacos are all well and good. But Tijuana and San Antonio argue over who is the proper birthplace for Chili con Carne. And Tijuana lacks an NBA team, so for our purposes, San Antonio wins this round.
If you like beans in yours, I’m sorry, but we can’t ever hang out.
What Are They Eating In The Locker Room?: Forward Tim Duncan is one of the NBA’s greatest players, and easily the only native Virgin Islander I could name. And the Virgin Islands loves a bland cornmeal mush called “Fungi” with Okra, Sweet Potatoes, and Fish. Yum.
What the Locals Say: Good buddy Manuel has family in San Antonio and travels there all the time. When I asked him what he thought of when he thought of San Antonio food, he had pretty much the same reaction I had: “Aw, man. Mexican food. It’s awesome.”
Phoenix:
(We’ll be in Iraq for One Hundred Years! And we’ll then we’ll invade Iran! I’m 194 years old! I’m CRAAAAAAAZZZZYYYY!!!)
Reputation: (Cricket chrips) Does Applebee’s count? No? Ok, then…
Local Flavor: You’d think a state smack dab in the middle of the Southwestern U.S. could rock the Mexican. And they do, for the most part. But it doesn’t seem to have the cache that Texas, New Mexico, and California have. Go figure. There’s a sizeable Hawaiian population there because they got priced off their own island. So if you’re into bland roast pork, sticky white rice, and potato salad, does Arizona have some places for you…
Top Restaurant: Majerle’s. There might be better places to eat, but this place seems to sum up most people’s perception the local scene. (i.e.- One big freakin’ sports bar.)
Signature Dish: Jalapeno Jelly? Prickly Pear Nopalitos? I’ve got nothing.
Difficult to Eat!
What Are They Eating In The Locker Room?: Phoenix has a Brazilian, Croatian, Frenchman, Virgin Islander (there they are again), and an Kiwi. But the face of the team (even with Shaq on board) is Canadian James Blunt, er, Steve Nash. I’ll bet a raw seal could really hit the spot for Steve right about now.
What the Locals Say: Maff went to Arizona State, but we already heard from him already. I was talking to my old buddy Andy the other day, and he happened to be in Phoenix visiting his girlfriend’s family. So I asked him via text to see what native Arizonans like to eat. The answer I got back says it all: “McDonald’s”.
THE VERDICT:
In a massive upset…
PHOENIX WINS!
Who could have seen that coming, huh?
I’m tired of San Antonio winning it all in the NBA all the time. Sure, if it was my Bulls, I wouldn’t care (and I totally didn’t) but the Spurs are about as scintillating as a Department of Interior internal memo on the buffalo population growth in North Dakota.
And besides, the Grand Canyon State is gonna need a hug after their favorite son gets his ass handed to him in the Presidental general election.
(MCCAIN SMASH!!!)
When last in Phoenix, in an attempt to avoid steakhouses and Hooters, I ate at a place called Tarbells.
It was very good, and that was shocking to me, not because it was in Phoenix, but because at home good food doesn’t come from a strip mall.