In Food City Match-Ups, we take a look at the pros and cons of eating in two cities (some we’ve never been to or have any intention of setting foot in) and pass judgment on who wins based on unresearched stereotypes and hunches. This week we break down, completely biased of course, the 2008 NBA Playoffs. Continuing on with the Eastern Conference and the #1 seed Boston Celtics taking on the #8 Atlanta Hawks.
vs. 
After the jump: The only black people Boston can tolerate beat up a bunch of sweet, innocent kids!
BOSTON:
(Ha, ha, maff! Your team, and by extension you and everyone you ever loved, sucks!)
Reputation: Distingushed. One of America’s oldest cities is proud of its food heritage. And New England style cuisine is easily one of the most recognizable in our history. Besides, what other city has a “sacred cod” hanging in its state capital building? Also, co-editor and all around decent guy maffmatics hails from the area. And Emeril is from there, too. But everyone seems ok with him moving to New Orleans.
Local Flavor: Seafood. Out the ass. Like a shit load. Also, potatoes grow well in their rocky soil, syrup flows from the region’s many sugar maples, and Vermont has “Ok” cheese (Note: Author was conceived in Wisconsin).
Top Restaurant: In a town with great seafood, you have to hit up a place with a raw bar. And the New York Times says the South End’s B & G Oysters is the place to hit. And believe me, New Yorkers KNOW Boston.
Signature Dish: So many to choose from. The Clam Boil. Lobster Rolls (which, I shit you not, they even have at McDonald’s!), but the one I have to go with here has to be something that sparks intense, near-religious debate: Clam Chowder.
(Maffmatics note: And for every tomato I find anywhere near this thing… I shall kill you!)
What Are They Eating in the Locker Room?: Star and team captain Kevin Garnett loves him some spaghetti and meatballs. Aww… wouldn’t the Italian grandmothers on the North End be proud?
What the Locals Say: Maff shouts out via text: “I don’t see how we can lose. We have a diverse mix of ethnic food from various white cultures, the greatest Dunkin’ Donuts in the world, plus we have Kevin Garnett.” When pressed about what sets Boston above Atlanta, maff replied: “I think Sherman made my point for me.”
Ohhh… burn. Literally.
ATLANTA:
“Sometimes I wish the sun would just explode“
Local Flavor: Atlanta isn’t even known as the best food city in its own state. That honor goes to Savannah. But if you throw Savannah’s great coastal seafood (and Paula Deen) in with Atlanta’s new wave restaurants, southern cooking tradition, soul food, Alton Brown, Krispy Kreme, slow cooked barbecue, Waffle House, peaches, Coca-Cola, grits, and wash it all down with a big ol’ glass of sweet tea, you’ll get the idea of what Atlanta has to offer the discriminating fat ass.
Top Restaurant: I like Alton Brown. A lot. He’s he guy that inspired me to not just serve food, but to actually prepare it for myself from time to time. So I trust him when he says Canoe is the best place in town. And its on the Chatahoochee River. I wonder if I’ll learn how to swim and learn who I was.
Signature Dish: Kill 7 out of 10 Georgians and examine their stomach contents, and chances are pretty good you’re going to find Boiled Peanuts.
By the way, we’re wanted in Georgia now. Honestly, it was probably a poor choice of methodology to determine what constitutes “good food” down south. We probably could have just asked. My bad.
What Are They Eating in the Locker Room?: To find out, we asked typical Georgian, and Atlanta Hawks Center Zaza Pachulia what he likes to eat. He mentioned how he likes to tuck into a nice plate of khinkali and follow it with a nice belt of homemade chacha. Also, Zaza is from Tbilisi, Georgia (Birthplace of Stalin!). It’s right outside Macon.
What the Locals Say: I asked Tim, a manager at work if he would consider Atlanta a decent food city. “No”, he said. “Unless you like grits”.
THE VERDICT:
Let’s see, it’s this guy versus this guy. Aerosmith versus R.E.M. A commonwealth founded by tight-assed, buckled hat wearing, witch slaying cockpunchers, or a state that was meant to be a penal colony until the British discovered Australia.
I need to throw maff a bone here. He just hasn’t been the same since he went into rehab.
BOSTON WINS!!!
Cheer up, Atlanta, at least you have MUCH better rap.
