In Food City Match-Ups, we take a look at the pros and cons of eating in two cities (some we’ve never been to or have any intention of setting foot in) and pass judgment on who wins based on unresearched stereotypes and hunches. This week we break down, completely biased of course, the 2008 NBA Playoffs. Continuing on with the Eastern Conference and the #4 seed Cleveland Cavaliers taking on the #5 Washington Wizards.
vs. 
After the jump: “The Mistake By The Lake” vs. The Murder Capital of the U.S.!
CLEVELAND:
(”Seinfeld” for the fly-over states)
Reputation: According to Harry Doyle, “In case you haven’t noticed, and judging by the attendance you haven’t, Cleveland’s managed to win a few ball games, and are threatening to climb out of the cellar.”
The Chicago Tribune recently called Cleveland “America’s Hot New Dining City”, and Playboy, Gourmet, Food + Wine, and Esquire have all heaped praise on several eateries around the city. They’ve produced an Iron Chef (Micheal Symon), one of the most respected food writers in the world (Micheal Ruhlman), and (according to Anthony Bourdain himself) the best episode of “No Reservations” yet made.
Local Flavor: Eastern and Central European style food is found all over the place. Brats, pirogi, and sauerkraut are easy to find. I’ll give you three guesses what kind of stuff you can find in “Little Italy” and “Slavic Village”. Also, Cleveland is home to Chef Boyardee.
Top Restaurant: A lot to choose from here. One of Micheal Symon’s places, Lola or Lolita? Mediterranean dining at Sans Souci? The world reknown Baricelli Inn? I could go on…
Signature Dish: “The Polish Boy”: What would you say to a kielbasa sausage on a bun, then covered with french fries, then have someone drizzle a huge portion of BBQ sauce and coleslaw over it? I would say “Hell” AND “Yeah”! I love things covered with other things.
What Are They Eating In the Locker Room?: Well, Center Zydrunas Ilgauskas is from Lithuania, and Anderson Varejao is from Brazil, but I’m assuming they both defer to King James when its breakfast time. Thats because LeBron loves him some Fruity Pebbles. We are all witnesses (to massive tooth decay).
What the Locals Say: Garfield Heights, OH native, and fellow server Tusime had this to say when I said I was comparing Cleveland to Washington: “Cleveland’s got some good food. You can fill yourself up for cheap pretty much anywhere.” And my brother Aaron, who attended Oberlin Music Conservatory (just outside Cleveland), states, “Cleveland is OK.” High praise indeed.
WASHINGTON D.C.:
(Former Mayor Marion Barry unwinding with friend)
Reputation: Fair. As the most powerful city in the world’s most powerful nation, it attracts a wide range of different world cuisines, its political celebrities attract chefs with some serious credentials, and its location near the ocean guarantees a nice selection of local seafood.
Local Flavor: Washington has the one of the highest concentrations of African-Americans in the country. Therefore, be prepared for some solid soul food staples. Fried Okra. Mac and Cheese. Greens. Also, Washington has a lot of world cuisines you might not find in a lot of cities. Ever have Jamaican? How about Haitian? And Washington has the largest Ethiopian community in the Western Hemisphere. Head an hour north on I-95 and you’ll find Baltimore crab cakes and Duff from “Ace of Cakes”. Go south and you’ll find Virginia Ham.
Top Restaurant: Citronelle has a Beard Award winning chef in Micheal Richard and another Beard for “Outstanding Wine Service”. And “The Washingtonian” gave them the top spot for 2008. They’re obviously spent more time there than us, so we’re inclined to agree. But Washington is a “power lunch” sort of town, so bistros and “quick but classy” are pretty easy to find.
Signature Dish: For over a century, it has been law that they serve “Senate Bean Soup” every day in the Congressional dining areas. Failure to do so is punishable by public stoning (Note: Not True).
What Are They Eating in the Locker Room?: Wizard star and famous blogger (an oxymoron) Gilbert “Agent Zero” Arenas sleeps in a hyperbaric chamber. Do you have any idea what marshmallows do when you play around with the air pressure? It’s pretty awesome. I’d serve marshmallows to Gilbert Arenas just to see what happens at his house.
What the Locals Say: Ex-girlfriend Emily is from Springfield, OH, but used to live in D.C. She shows no love for her native Buckeye State when she says: “How could you possibly compare Cleveland to Washington? The whole world comes to Washington and they literally have everything there. Asian food in Chinatown, African restaurants, fancy places… everything.”
And the verdict is…
A close one. On one hand you got solid heartland food going through a sort of spiritual rebirth. On the other hand, you have the diverse food culture of a busy national capital.
Devo vs. The Bad Brains? “The Drew Carey Show” up against “227“? The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame taking on the Smithsonian? Ah, hell, Vaughn, strike this motherfucker out!
CLEVELAND WINS!!!
(Previously: Orlando vs. Toronto)
Boooooooooooooooooooo! Cleveland may rock, but the food does not. I demand a recount of the votes.
How could you overlook Skyline chili? Not only is it things piled on other things, but it is possibly the ultimate drunk “I’m going to regret this” meal.
Maff:
Skyline Chili is a Cincinnati thing.
But its in Cleveland too. Of course, I base my knowledge of Cleveland solely on that one No Reservations episode.