Around these parts, we work at a theme restaurant, so we may know a thing or two what the pubic wants from its wacky dining experiences. Here is a great new idea we think is going unused:
Cook It Your Damn Self!
Slogan: “Don’t Like it? It’s YOUR fault!”
Concept: Get a couple of prep cooks, a dishwasher, an assload of shabu shabu/fondue/Argentinian Table Grill equipment, a bunch of raw ingredients, and watch the gullible yuppie fucks come rolling in.
The Hook: 22% service charge for parties of one or more
Some Favorite Dishes:
-Speciality Drinks: “The San Tropez”- We give you a bottle of vodka, a rocks glass, and a honeydew. Go to town, charlie.
-Starters: “Soup Du Jour”- A bunch of vegetables, some hot beef broth, and very little instructions on what to do and how to cook them all.
-Entrees: “Meat… and plenty of it”- Just like the menu says: Meat… and plenty of it. Boil it, dip it in melted cheese, grill it, we just don’t give a rat’s ass. (Rat’s Ass: Seasonal. For price, inquire with server.)
-Desserts: “Mr. Willups’ Big Fudge Mountain Mudslide and Ice Cream Experience”- A bottle of generic chocolate syrup, a container of fat free Kool Whip, some slightly melted soft serve Ice Cream, and a pre-packaged Little Debbie brownie we bought from the bodega next door. Knock yourselves out.
i’m dining there alone all the time. joke’s on you, suckers!
..oh, parties of one or more. um.. i’ll cut myself in half?